It’s scary how short the process of becoming a potential megalomaniac really is. I was out hiking the other day and thought I could quite easily finish a “coast to coast” trail here in Sweden in three days.

Yes, I know that the initial spontaneous outbreak of a reaction from a geographically uneducated British person, would generally be something along the lines of:

-“But oh my God, you can’t do that! All across Sweden? That’s really far! No one can walk from Oslo to Reykjavik in just three days! That must be like walking all the way to Norwich or something… From London!”



Yeah, pretty much. But then again, not really. Scania is the most narrow part of Sweden so walking from coast to coast only adds up to about 120 km. (If you’re a bird and choose to fly instead, I reckon it would even just be around 100 km.)

And then while walking there I started thinking. What if I (at some other occasion obviously) walked through Denmark as well? Denmark is a small country. It can be done pretty easily. A bit each time I was over here visiting. Pack a few sandwiches and some tea. What more do I need. Well, a map possibly, but apart from that I’d be sorted.

Because, if I had done that…well, then, since there’s nothing but water on the other side of Esbjerg, it would be as if I’d walked from Sweden to England! Because you cant walk on water. (Unless it’s frozen, and the climate change has made sure that’s not likely to happen any time soon.)

Wait, hang on, that new rule means that I wouldn't just have walked from Sweden to England, but from Latvia to England, because that’s what there is on the other side of the sea east of Scania!
Fair enough, I haven’t even been to Latvia but that’s not here nor there really. I feel it’s important that we focus on what matters here now. That we pay attention.

Then I went home and started glancing through a few atlases. Turns out Latvia is not all that big, you know! Not too big to walk through at least. And having walked all the way to a former superpower has a completely different ring to it, than just to a Baltic state that isn’t very well known at all. I mean, no offence to Latvia, but if I told let’s say a Chinese or an Australian that I’d walked to Russia, they’d known what I was on about immediately and would straight away feel appropriately impressed, whereas if I’d just pointed out I’d taken the boat to Riga, they’d probably just feel confused!

Latvia could be done. Just a mere obstacle that could be taken care of. Not really a problem if you thought about it. And I did.

And then I thought that, well, I’ve already walked quite a bit in England already. Would be a bit of a shame not to include that in my victory, no? Walking through the rest of west England could be accomplished relatively easy.

But that means I would have walked from Russia to Wales. Well, that sounds a bit daft, doesn’t it? Unless I’m Welsh. Which I’m not.

Wales is not that big though. I was watching it closely when I was on a plane from Iceland once, and it looked not just small, but flat. Easy to cross. Excellent...

That means I would have walked to Ireland! And what’s pretty handy is that I’ve already been to Ireland – twice, so I wouldn’t even have to go there to complete the trip!

But Ireland…sounds a bit like Latvia, doesn’t it? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love Ireland (otherwise I wouldn’t have gone back a second time, would I now?) No, I’m just saying, it doesn’t feel all that far away to someone living in London.

And all that water on the other side of it…

…that stretches all the way to…

…I’ve said I wanted to go to New York for aaages! And the second I got there and jumped off the plane it would instantly mean that I’ve walked from Russia to the US! (Because the aim would have been to walk TO the US, not THROUGH it…) Listen to the sound of that!

I would have walked around ½ of the planet!!! THAT’s something to put on the CV, I tell you!




PS. It’s a talent to be able to bend the rules and simplify things to the extreme.


PS2. Did I mention I used to be into politics?