I know what I want for Christmas! I know what I want for Christmas! Probably the same as everybody else - an ant colony! First when I saw it in a magazine I decided to get it for someone else, but soon I realized this was something I simply had to get myself as well! And I wasn’t prepared to leave it to chance, hinting to people that this might be my ultimate present. You just can’t trust people when it comes to important issues like that.


It looks so amazing! You can even get a separate illuminator. Although I assume that you’d have to turn it off at night so that the ants get their 8 hours sleep. I remember clearly from when I was having rabbits that you have to respect your pets sleeping routines. Otherwise there might be sulking involved.

As you can see it looks like a very flat aquarium containing some fluorescent jelly with a lot of dug up paths in it. Apparently the jelly has got all the nutrients the ants need. It even hydrates them so they are completely sorted in there, all by themselves! No need for feeding or even walking them unless you feel that you really want to. It’s THE pet alternative for let’s say lazy and irresponsible people or people who travel much! Some people might go as far as calling it a revolution.

I was indescribably excited and had already started thinking up names when I suddenly saw something written just underneath the advert:

”Ants not included!”

-“What?!”

I tried to let it sink in, to reflect upon it, but my response was still nevertheless:

-“What?!”

At first you may be forgiven for thinking it would be quite easy to solve the problem by yourself. You can just pop out in the garden or the park to pick a few. Surely they won’t mind.

Look, as far as I know, ants are pretty much like bees! (Apart from the wings and the honey and all that.) They’ve got societies made up of a bunch of male workers while a queen is sorting out the kids! How the hell am I going to find a queen in the park? How would I be able to differentiate between them? How would I know it’s a female? They’re not exactly wearing skirts!

I don’t know if I’ve missed anything here, but according to my calculations (ok, guesses) it could take years, or at least several weeks of full time work to find the right ants! And then, they sort of have to like each other, surely? Ant societies are based on team work. Well, they are not going to build any bloody teams if they’re spending their time arguing, are they?

Although…maybe you can buy some sort of separate ant package on the internet?! You can get everything else there, so why not this? Seems reasonable! There must be millions of ant collectors in the world. Right this minute, fighting the same battle…

…watch this space!


PS. Bought a disposable electric toothbrush a couple of days ago. Got a battery inside it and when its worn out you just throw it away. Easy. But then I read on the package:
”Lasts for 3-4 months.”

I’m sure I’m giving the impression that my conversations with myself aren’t all that creative, because my reply was exactly the same as the one concerning the ants:

-“What?!”

3-4 months? That can’t be right! I’m normally not using the same tooth brush for longer than 1 month! Why on earth would I want to do that? They are much nicer when they’re new and it must be more hygienic as well! 3-4 months!?! Just seems wrong somehow… A bit like not changing your clothes for 3-4 days!

But maybe it’s got something to do with the fact that I’ve grown up in a very umm..tooth brush friendly home! My dad has always seemed to be quite fascinated with what are the latest brushes on the market and has therefore always, during my whole life, made sure (and still does) that there are at least about 30 different tooth brushes available at all times to choose between at home.

I’ve always liked people with different…“hobbies”! :)


PS. Actually, he’s quite into toothpaste as well…

PS.2. But clearly it’s a pretty effective tactic for a dad to use because I’ve only had one single hole in my entire life. And my brother none!