I'm so cold. I've never experienced cold like this in my entire life. Well I probably have, but it doesn't matter right now. I'm freezing.

Not even funny...

I'm going to bed.




But then i just realized that includes facing the cold outdoors. Cos my bed is at home. And I'm not.

Can't really win..

(Written yesterday.)

It’s a bit odd, but I’ve woken up every day the last three days believing it’s Wednesday. Sometimes even insisting – like on Wednesday.


It started on Tuesday when I woke up in a particularly good mood, since it was Wednesday and all. I like Wednesdays, you see. The sun is normally always shining, and people are much happier than, let’s say, on a Monday, when they are just simply pissed off all day through. On Wednesdays you are half way through the week, and you start whistling and humming and things like that.

So I stretched my arms out and said “Yay, finally Wednesday!”
Then I realized that if it really was Wednesday it would mean that I had forgotten to do a whole lot of things the day before. And it was roughly then that it went up for me that in fact, it was only Tuesday. A bit traumatic, but you know – what can you do?

Same thing happened the next day – I woke up, stretched my arms out and pointed out that “Yay, it’s Wednesday!”. And this time it worked out pretty well. They say you get better with practise.

But then today things started to get confusing, because again, I woke up stretching my arms out shouting “Yay, Wednesday!”. And I mean, quite clearly – it’s not!

Then things got even weirder. I jumped out of my bed and ran off to the supermarket to get bagels and some grapefruit juice. And stuff. And in there I accidentally passed the cereal aisle. Well, I’m not particularly avoiding it, but it’s not really a place where I tend to hang out either. I don’t really understand cereals. I just don’t get the hype around them. And most of them don’t even seem to be particularly healthy.


In fact, there are several things that I can’t really grasp about them. For a start, in my supermarket there’s a whole aisle devoted to them – on both sides. That is a lot of space! They’ve got an equal amount of space as all of the beef, chicken, lamb, pork, fish, seafood together! How much cereals can people possibly EAT? Where does it all go?

I mean, let’s say you’re in the supermarket to buy dinner for two people, and you come back with a pack of two fish fillets (and obviously some stuff to have with it). Then you and your partner/sister/friend/cat/neighbour eat the fish and the next day you need to go back for more. Ok. But I’ve never, ever seen anyone managing to scoff themselves through a whole pack of cereals in a day and then having run out the next day.

Or is it me who is wrong here? Is it me who’s got weird habits? Maybe I’ve misunderstood the whole concept of breakfast! I mean, I’ve always thought there were alternatives, that we had choices. Choices in the shapes of yoghurt, fruit, sandwiches, bagels, croissants or even an unhealthy fry up!

So standing there I suddenly found myself getting mysteriously sucked into the aisle as if by some strangely irresistible power. A bit like Will Smith got sucked into that spaceship in “Independence Day”, when all the steering mechanisms of his own saucer stopped working (cos of the aliens). That sort of thing. More or less. Well, at least now you know the feeling.

And in there, in the cereal aisle, life was different. In all the other aisles children were arguing, running around, falling over. They were probably even sneezing. People were frowning and looking tired as if they just wanted to go back to bed.
Here faces were relaxed, carrying gentle smiles. Children appeared like graceful little angels beside their mummies legs. At one time I could have sworn I heard harps. It was an aisle of blissful harmony. It was – the cereal aisle.

I couldn’t just walk off and buy some bagels after a moment like that, could I?

But which to choose?

I’ve heard that your choice of cereal says a lot about your personality, so it’s important to think it through properly and not through just anything in the trolley. (But having said that, I’ve also heard that your favourite character in the Simpsons defines pretty much your whole existence… I’ve chosen not to believe in that specific theory cos my favourite is Flanders.)

So what type am I? What sort of signals do I want to send out with my breakfast? I know I’m definitely not a Rice Crispy person, because they’re disgusting and the advert is stupid. And don’t get me started on the Coco Pops. Chocolate and rice? To me that sounds about as tasty as pickled cabbage dipped in whipped cream. “A bowl full of fun”? Not even a little bit!
And I don’t even want to discuss Cornflakes. Cornflakes are for lame people. Everybody knows that. I’ve even heard some sort of urban legend saying that if you look at the package from a certain angle it spells out L.A.M.E on a four sides. And no bloody way that I’m gonna let my own breakfast have a laugh at me every sodding morning. No way.

I remember buying Frosties a few times when I was living in Leeds and Paris. It wasn’t bad. If you put some strawberry jam on it, it actually tasted pretty great. (Or maybe even grrrrreat…) But it’s not exactly a healthy breakfast, is it?

A couple of years ago I decided to try cereals again. I made the decision after seeing the Crunchy Nut advert on TV.
I had never seen such a passionate urge being expressed to a cereal (or any other kind of breakfast related product for that matter), and I sure hadn’t experienced it myself! All I knew was that I wanted to have what that woman was having!

The first time was quite nice. Memorable even. I admit that it was genuinely good. It had big crunchy nuts that had been either roasted or caramelised or both and then drenched in honey. I’m not going to lie to you. It was cereal heaven!
But then the second time I bought it, it just wasn’t the same at all! It was just lame bloody honey flavoured cornflakes with tiny pieces of nuts! Pathetic!
A few months later I bought it again, to check if they’d sorted out their problems. They hadn’t. So I decided to give up.

But today I felt ready for a new attempt with a new fresh cereal! Found some sort of bran flakes with coconuts and fruits in them.
Turns out, not that much fruit.
And definitely not grrreat…

But they are great for feeding the squirrels and bunnies in Holland Park with! They love all cereals. Even these, I’m sure.




PS. I almost forgot about my Berry experience. Once last year I bought a pack of cereals with Red Berries in them. They were nice. Well, they were nice the first couple of days, because then I managed to shake out about 80% of the berries and fill the bowl to the brim with red fruit. After that, I didn’t feel so excited about it anymore, mostly because by then it was just…well, a packet of flakes basically. Pretty lame flakes as well, really.

I had a date with myself on Sunday. And not just any date, but one that I had really been looking forward to! I had been busy every night the whole week going to the gym, meeting with some writers and a publisher and been out partying both Friday and Saturday, so Sunday was going to be my day of rest. Oh, lovely Sunday…

Saturday was Nicolas birthday which she celebrated in a club in the basement of a church. Absolutely loved it! :)


It’s was fabulous! I arrived at around 22:30 and didn’t go home until 07. That’s the equivalent of a whole working day of partying! That’s pretty well done, I reckon. But there were others who stayed out equally long who had been there since 20:00, so not worth a medal I guess.

Had a really good time! And it was great seeing so many of the people we all know at once! In fact the whole night went so quick it felt like I was there for about two hours or so! That’s definitely a good sign meaning the party went well! Good job Nicola! (But then again, your parties are always great, so not much of a surprise, really…) :-D

So the plan was to stay in bed for pretty much the whole next day watching a couple of DVDs I hadn’t seen. But after a while I had only one unseen dvd left, one that I really didn’t want to see.


It’s called “Rules of Engagement” and is from 2000. I don’t really know why I’ve got it. If you don’t know what it’s about, just try to imagine the most masculine film ever made. Then add some testosterone. Then add 20-30 soldiers and some rifles. And some green clothes.
I HATE war movies. They make me very, very sleepy! So I had absolutely no wish whatsoever to see this film.

But then I thought, “I’m running behind with my weird-things-to-do-list”. This is a great opportunity to catch up, really. (For info about “weird things to do” – check earlier posts.)
Seeing this movie would be exactly what I’m aiming for by keeping my list. Instead of doing things the way you normally would, do something different! Choose a movie you normally wouldn’t want to see. Eat something you’ve always avoided. That way you discover new things, new perspectives. It’s healthy. So suddenly I knew I had to see the damned film.

It was only 1,58 hours long. I’m a strong person, I could do this. I made myself feel determined!

I had to rewind the first eight minutes 14 times since I started day dreaming 12 of them and fell asleep twice. And the rest of the experience wasn’t particularly different.


-“Colonel! Where are you?!” Bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam
-“Sergeant?!”

Did I take the laundry in? Oh, right, I did. Pity..

-“Colonel? Can you hear me?!”
-“Sergeant??!” Bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam

“We can do this!” Bam bam bam “Kill the motherfuckers!” Bam bam bam bam bam

Maybe I could wash something else? Or do some mopping? That somehow feels exciting…

Bam bam bam bam ouuuuuuuuuiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii BAAAM!!

-“Colonel??”

(Now someone shouting in the street): -“Get away from my fucking daffodil!!!”

Daffodils. I wonder if I should have bought that yellow top I saw in the shop last week after all…

-"Sergeant? Three o’ clock sir! Let’s take the bastards down!” Bam bam bam bam bam bam

…but me being blonde, it would just make me look like a chicken. That would be silly. It’s not even Easter.

-“Colonel??! Are you there?” Bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam

Maybe I should make some pop corn? That might be what’s missing with this movie…

Pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop

Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam

-“Sergeant!! Can you see me!”

You’re wearing camouflaged clothes in the jungle, so no, probably not bloody likely! Jeeez…

Pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop

Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam

-“Colonel?!!”

Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam

-“Sergeant!!”


About 45 minutes later after snoozing I woke up by something that sounded like a “BAM”.

-“Colonel?!! Can you see me?!!!”


Today a friend gave me a suggestion. She meant that it would be more of a challenge if she was allowed to decide what my next “weird thing to do” would be. I explained that that didn’t feel reasonable at all, but nevertheless I might consider it. Unless it was something down right
stupid.

-“See the movie twice! THAT would be weird!”

Clearly I’ll be sending less Christmas cards than normal this year.












-“Colonel??!”

I know I might sound as a bit of a snob now, or just some really annoying person, but I'm normally really picky with what water I drink. I think it was a habit I got into while living in France, and since then it's just grown. I hate tapwater. I know that it's a really bad thing for the environment to use bottled water.. But at least I'm humble enough to apologize about it - I'm sorry. (And look, I've actually improved cos nowadays at least I'm using tap water for tea and coffee...)



Anyway, I've got several favourite water brands, some of them with amazing "powers" and origins, but normally I go for Evian. And to people who claim all water taste the same I say RUBBISH!!!

Evian is much smoother than other water and got a distinct after taste of cream with a tiny hint of vanilla! I'm telling you, I'm right about this! And I'm not crazy. A while back I read about "water tasting" being a new hobby in New York and here in London.

In fact, I'm going to look it up and join a class! I've got a feeling that I've got a bit of a flare for this. They might end up giving me a medal or something. Pretty likely, I'd say.

My friend decided to test me by letting me taste three glasses of water and pick out the Evian one, which I managed to do straight away. The next test, we've decided, is going to be ten glasses. No match for me. No match at all...

A friend of mine, Craig, has got a new hobby – lighthouses. Personally I reckon he’s a bit late. I’ve had them as a hobby for ages already! I even went to a lighthouse exhibition in Santander in May! That’s devotion, that is! (The devotion in itself might seem a bit mental, but it’s devotion nevertheless…)*


I can’t help obsessing about lighthouses. It’s in my genes! All Scandinavians (well maybe saying “ALL” is a BIT drastic) love them! In Norway (and Sweden) we’ve even got a children’s program about a lighthouse! He’s a pretty nice and happy fellow, but still in a wise and reflecting kind of way and he’s got a boat as a mate! Winning concept for a TV show. Got everything you need. Excitement, fear, passion…you name it.

But listen, this might just possibly be your lucky day, because I’ve found you your own lighthouse! Well, basically I found me my own lighthouse, but then I moved on to bigger and more exciting hobbies (like trainspotting), and forgot all about it. But I’m willing to lend you my utopia (if you treat it with the respect it clearly deserves).


This is an island just off the shore of Croatia! And it’s free for you to rent or buy! How cool is that? Go for it Craig, go for it! Don't listen to negative people pointing out rubbish like

"But, but, there are no nightclubs, no food, no humans, Craig! Maybe you should think twice about this, Craig?"

Bollocks to that!

This is a once in a lifetime opportunity for you to really, really experience something so traumatic you'll never complain about British weather ever again. And it's up to you to grab this chance and not let it go to waste.

And to be fair, the possibilities of how you can entertain yourself on the island are pretty much endless. You can pretend that the country is at war (and maybe pretend that you're Croatian as well...it might help) and the whole outcome of the war depends on you! YOU have to find and guide the rescue team coming from the sea and make sure they save you from the nasty nazis (or aliens or whatever you fancy, really). A weekend full of joy! And drama.

Or you can pretend you're a pirate! Bring a parrot and some gin! Get an eye patch. Really make an effort to adapt to your new role! This could be life changing stuff, Craig! Life changing stuff...

Anyway, if this, despite everything, isn't your cup of tea, just keep in mind that I'm full of other equally brilliant ideas... Just ask ;-)

Hehe..Xx


* No I did NOT go to Santander just for the lighthouse exhibition. I accidentally ran into it! Ahh…believe want you want! Bastards.